She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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