The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
