How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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