Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize