I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
