and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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