So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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