I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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