If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
