i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
