So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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