You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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