she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
