I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
