community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize