Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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