we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
