Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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