I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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