I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
