what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
