All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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