Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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