the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
