Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
