I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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