I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
