I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
