It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
