can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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