Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
