I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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