Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sext me about skeletons
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
