he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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