If i come over, it means nothing
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
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Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
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I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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