I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This house was built for laser tag.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
