Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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