please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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