If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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