i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
