then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
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