the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
