i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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