He had one of those small greek statue penises
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
