I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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