yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
