My hand turned me down
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
