So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
