hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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