Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
