ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
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As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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