my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
ok first of all what the fuck
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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