i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
