It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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