His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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