dude i'm inner monologue high
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
