Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
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Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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