I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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